Dealing with Finality

Today was the much-dreaded day when I had to go to Tita Emer’s
house to look over her belongings to see if there was anything I would like to keep. I had been putting off going into her house since the last time she was rushed to the Emergency Room. The memories are still too overwhelming.

However, life goes on; and we must deal with the aftermath- which includes keeping, donating, or selling her former possessions and renting out her house, the latter of which has already attracted a lot of interest.

As I drove to her house, my spirits kept sinking until I pulled into her driveway – upon when I started to cry. Dad, Tita Pat, and Cindi were already there. As I walked inside, a wave of emotions engulfed me- as I remembered all the memories I had with Tita Emer in that house. It was very hard seeing her house in disarray, as she was always such a neat freak. After a few minutes of aimlessly wandering inside, I had to go outside in order to compose myself. It was hard to breathe when the enormity of our loss was right before my eyes..

After a while, Mom and Steve joined us. Steve suggested that we take the large magnet frame and the magnets that Tita Emer collected from every place she traveled to, as well as those to which her family and close friends traveled. I also took the tiny statues of the soldiers that were unearthed in Xian that Tita Emer had bought when we went on our China trip in Dec 2004.

Miniature Xian Terracota soldiers


Magnet frame that we're going to hang in our kitchen



Moreover, what touched my heart the most was when Tita Pat found the bonnets and blanket that Tita Emer crocheted for Steve’s and my future babies. As I mentioned in my memorial speech, she used to occupy her time in between chemo sessions crocheting bonnets, scarves, and blankets for the family.

A bonnet for all occasions!



Baby's gonna be warm thanks to Tita Emer:)



Afterward, Dad, Mom, Tita Pat, and I went to the cemetery. We haven’t been there since the day after the funeral. When we got to her grave, echoes of "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" rang through my ears because the “new” grass that tops her grave is almost on par with the surrounding grass. There was now only a thin line of demarcation between the old and the new. She really is one with Nature now; and that truth is still very hard to accept.